Good movies that suck Vol. 1 : Black Narcissus

Black Narcissus sucks.

How can you say that??? It's Powell and Pressburger at their best! Jack Cardiff's cinematography was never better! I'll admit, it has all the makings of being right up my alley, yet for some reason it just doesn't work.

High altitude insanity? Sounds good.
Losing one's faith? Right on.
Futility of missionaries? Uh-huh.
Horny nuns? You betcha!

Then how can it possibly suck?

Exhibit #1 : The backgrounds.
Much fuss has been made over Jack Cardiff's cinematography, and rightfully so. The colors are striking. Has there ever been a better use of color in a film? Maybe In the Mood For Love, and Peeping Tom come closest.

However all of it is killed by the lousy backgrounds. They completely remove me from the film and remind me that this was all done on a set. Everything looks impressive until you take a close look at the backgrounds. They are quite obviously painted backdrops only a few feet behind the characters. Damn you Criterion. The transfer is so good it reveals too much.

Exhibit #2 : This clown
I know a convent in the Himilayas is about as remote as you can get, but come on. This is the guy all the nuns are going crazy over? Even this dude can't be sexy there. Look at those shorts! Rolled up shorts and sandals are sexy nowhere. It's wholly unbelievable. That guy should be getting laughed out of there.

Exhibit #3 : Deborah Kerr's makeup
She's supposed to be a nun yet her makeup is impeccable. She's my nunsploitation fantasy.

Too bad Black Narcissus. You had so much potential.